Catty

I was amused (and when I say amused, I mean humorously repulsed) by the conversation I overheard at a local eatery last night.  I'm an exceptional eaves-dropper (and always have been (hearken back to single-digit age range when I could make out my parents' voices from their room across the hall when they thought I was asleep only to find out (the hard way) in the morning that I wasn't when I'd weigh in on the pillow-talk items they'd discussed the night previously, and my dad would instruct me to "turn my ears off" in the future...well, I didn't listen; they're still on)). 

So, the one chick says to the other chick (ostensibly, for all makes and models of contemporary "chick", these chicks are "friends" (READ: "friend" requires quotations),"So, it's not like I care because I don't; I'm not that selfish, but we've been friends since 2006, you'd think she'd know that my birthday is on the same day that she's scheduled her bachelorette party."  Bitch!  Wait...which (the self-professed unselfish birthday-haver or the callous scheduling maniac bride-to-be)?

Suddenly, the topic changes.  The faux-not indignant one still has the floor because between two girlfriends there is always one that is superior.  This is simply the nature of being simultaneously female and friends.  The power play can shift, of course, depending on which of the "xx" pair is carrying a more current Louis at her side (and by the way, what exactly was the clamouring for the white and rainbow version?  Who but a San Francisco drag queen could pull off an accessory that appears to be covered in a gumball machine's vomit?  Is the white leather supposed to match my shoes because I'm pretty sure no self-discerning lady of sophistication has worn white leather shoes since she last set patented foot in a Baptist church many decades ago), or according to which of the "xx" pair is sleeping with the other's boyfriend.  Ah, at last we arrive at the crux of this convo.

So, faux-not indignant says to her captive audience (i.e., "friend"),"I don't think you can be mad about just one time.  I mean, it's not like you guys are married, and, besides, in this day and age, I just don't think it's realistic to be mad."  Ouch, I'm pretty sure she just told her friend not to be upset that her boyfriend cheated on her.  Yup, entirely sure because the following statement was to the note of, "I know you thought he cheated on you with me.  Anyhow, you just have to make a choice about whether it's worth it to be upset."  Wait.  No, really, wait.  I'm pretty sure she just acknowledged that she's the other party to the cheating triangle and in the same fell swoop told her friend that it would be silly to consider this plot twist as anything more than normal.  Her friend must have been sedated because she appeared to acquiesce.  Then they did what girls do best, they talked s*it about all of the other friends they have in common.  Apparently, callous scheduling maniac bride-to-be is so unfit to have children because she "so does not take care of her body" and "weighs like 85 pounds".

Truly, who needs TV when you have live action?  I'll take my reality drama straight up and in person, Bitch.

Life sometimes can be catty.
Catty: –adjective

  slyly malicious; spiteful